I feel bad 😝

'Cause I don't want to take away Rohan's specialness, and I don't wanna kick this guy down another screaming pit of familial angst.

I'm also sorta like, "Oh, you are Mary Sue-ing the fuck out of Angus," which I'm less concerned by because 🎶 I GOT THE WHOOOOLE BED 🎶 TO MYSELF 🎶 so I'll do what I want, but I'm still a little bit concerned by 'cause I don't wanna make Angus' life so impossibly easy to the point of boring myself.

So I'll try to strike a balance.

 

I'M GONNA MAKE ANGUS A SUPER POWERFUL SORCERER. THAT'S RIGHT: FUCK THE BARD-MAGIC HEADCANON I HAD WHERE I USED THE POWER OF MY PLAYLIST TO POWER SPELLS - WE'RE TAKING A MORE GROUNDED SORCERER STYLE OF MAGIC

 

Anyway, I think familial angst really suits Rohan, and I'm more worried that without it, he won't have a reason to be the show's main character. Not that - in this context - the show matters at all, but I like the dynamic between Rohan and Angus when I know Rohan's the shining Chosen One and Angus is The Chosen One's Bestest Friend. It makes it more meaningful when Rohan cheers Angus on and keeps interacting with him like they always have, and it makes it more poignant when Angus is openly going out of his way to protect Rohan - especially when it's at Angus' own expense.

I lose all that when Angus is suddenly all-powerful and a prince and has a family and - quote-unquote - takes that away from Rohan by being Maeve's son instead...

... so let's see how we can work with that. :D Because I've always thought Rohan and Angus are family, if Rohan wants familial angst, guess where we're gonna get it from?

 

It's interesting to see Angus' reaction to Rohan's disappearance after 'losing' to Lugad (which is for him to... stress-eat? i guess? summon rohan back with the powerful smell of soup?), versus Rohan's exit from the throne room after telling everyone he's Maeve's son. Like I said, Angus is barely in the frame. He's not even looking at Rohan during the "Howww can you trust me? 😭 How can I trust myself???" monologue.

Usually, when Rohan walks off, Angus is the first one after him (assuming he knows something's wrong, and once he figures it out, he's the first one catching up to the guy). So when he's letting Rohan go this time, he's really letting Rohan go. Again, compared to learning about Rohan and Lugad, where Angus physically and verbally reacts with surprise.

But we've seen that overly-quiet behaviour at least once before. 😝

EPISODE 35, BABY - it's back! Does Angus, or does Angus not, deliberately shut his mouth when he knows he's going to say something he knows the Ivar, Deirdre, and Cathbad will hate hearing? Like, this is a character that blurts out everything that comes to his mind, except under a specific condition: he's been cornered. It's the same as the first episode, when he can't really answer Ivar asking where "the thief who stole my kingdom's chalice" is.

But he's never held back when he's talking to Rohan. The closest he's been is when Rohan also gives unsolicited suggestions on how Angus should use his wish. Even there, though, and even after giving Rohan the same kind of humoured reassurance that "yeah, yeah, it's a great idea, whatever," he then goes on to say what he never said to the others: "It's my wish, you dick." He'll start a fight with Rohan, no problem - in private, in public, by being an asshole, by raising a good point, however and whatever has to happen. (Which is probably why all my ideas involve Rohan starting fights, actually. 🤔)

He doesn't give Rohan space, either. When Rohan was cursed to lose his courage, and enchanted to walk to Temra, he specifically told Angus to go away. And Angus responds both times by grabbing at him again. (The literal, only instance he gives Rohan space is when Rohan's disappeared post-Lugad-reveal and nobody can find him. Hence Angus' stress-soup.)

So the lack of reaction is suspiciously out-of-character in two ways: not running after Rohan, and not speaking up to tell Rohan what he thinks. Or defend him - that's Angus' other big trait. He'd normally deny it, at least, just to show he has Rohan's back. But none of that happens. Rohan goes, and Angus lets him leave.

 

It's guilt. In this interpretation of mine, obviously, not in the show (idk what was going on in the show lol). But it's guilt.

It's not that what he could say would corner him in his lie (but it would). It's that this is Angus and Rohan! When Angus got put on trial, Rohan had that "It's me and you now. Tell me the real truth" moment, and it's FOR SURE not the first time they've done that. Angus breaks something whenever he's in Cathbad's chamber; of course Rohan's had to cover for him. But to do it, he needs to know what actually happened. We see as much when Angus has to hide the dragon egg and loses his map: he goes to Rohan (privately), tells the truth (privately), and then Rohan goes to help him with it (also privately).

Which is cute! I think asking that is to reaffirm their respect for each other, more than needing to know the facts. :3 No matter how bad something is, whether Angus really did it or not, Rohan will always help him. Well, help him escape the maximum punishment. If Angus had been guilty of all that theft and arson he was framed for, Rohan would've shifted to some sort of community service or medieval fine instead. He's such an annoying stickler for what people are 'supposed' to do.

... I mean, that's literally the first episode: "Hey Angus, I know you stole something, which is why you're in jail, which I am not protesting :3 But you can trade your jail time for community service by saving the kingdom and finding a random prophesized hero that nobody's met." And Angus respects that! He isn't begging Rohan to get him out of jail anyway or lying that he's innocent. He knows he got caught, and in Rohan's stupid-eyes-of-justice, he knows he's supposed to "fix" it. If he doesn't go on the quest for Draganta, he openly acknowledges he's stuck with Plan A of serving time in the dungeon.

But it seems like Rohan also asks for the 'real truth' to know Angus isn't taking advantage of their friendship (genuinely implies so much about how "other friends" must've treated Rohan lolsob). We even see that in the show: in the episode where Garrett shows up and Cathbad asks Angus for the herbs, which he 100% forgot to pick do, Angus gets Rohan to go along with a lie about the herbs being at the hut. Then when he and Rohan are outside, Rohan starts poking at him by saying, "Wasn't this your job? 🤨" So even though Rohan's willing to uphold the lie that Angus didn't forget to get the herbs, he's not letting Angus get away with forgetting by exploiting his relationship with Cathbad. He'll probably help pick some, but he's not gonna do it all.

 

Actually, keep that as my new head canon: Rohan, being a druid's apprentice, grew up with lots of kids trying to take advantage of that, and Angus is the only one who hasn't. There's a teeny, tiny, residual paranoia lingering in Rohan's mind - almost like PTSD from that childhood bullying - but Angus has made a point to never betray his trust. In fact, Angus has admitted to quite a lot of shit he knew Rohan was going to scold him for, all to make sure Rohan knew Angus wouldn't lie to him. And also 'cause Angus can't stop blurting stuff out by accident.

It's like the old joke that goes, "A friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in jail with you." Well, Rohan's never been to jail, but Angus has jumped in front of a dragon for him. (Meanwhile Rohan's had to do some public speaking at a trial on Angus' behalf, which is - when translated into Rohan terms - the exact same as jumping in front of a dragon.)

So really, when it gets right down to it, yes, Angus is a liar. Yes, Angus was right to be tested on his honesty. Yes, Angus gets easily distracted and carried away, which can lead to him screwing things up by mistake and panic-lying to cover it over. But Angus has never screwed things up on purpose, and he's never truly lied to Rohan. Maybe out of habit, but he's never doubled-down when Rohan's pressed him, and he's never lied to hurt Rohan either.

 

New headcanon for that headcanon: Rohan calling Angus dumb all the time is from how often Angus uses that as a little white lie. 👀 And I think Rohan's got a vague suspicion, but since it might mean Angus takes him for some kind of fool, just like the other children in the village did, he doesn't want to pull that thread. And lo, his insecurity in their friendship doth simmer beneath his surface uwu

 

👀

So you know where this is going, right?

 

Angus doesn't tell Rohan about Maeve. And Rohan, obviously, wouldn't even think to ask.

I'd like to imagine that Angus had two internal reactions when he heard Rohan's confession about being Maeve's son:

First, "Oh no."

Just a sick, sinking, and instantaneous understanding that Rohan is very fucking wrong. So he keeps his face straight and tries to casually avoid attention - which is easy because Rohan's doing Shakespeare at the window - and tries to swallow the guilt of how many chances he had to admit this to Rohan earlier, and never took it because, "What good would that do? It's never going to matter. I'm 'taking it' to my grave."

And right as he's about to feel the nausea from that boulder of guilt and regret, he gets the second feeling.

"Wait, is he?"

Because it's been years. Angus was like 9 or 10 in the flashback episode to when they were kids, and I've always held out that he met Rohan years earlier. (Found Rohan trapped under a tree after a storm, basically dead uwu) But that's still half a life ago, and Maeve's a shady person, so maybe Rohan is somehow her son too...?

It's basically impossible, but he's too curious (and filled with hope) to not let it shift him into Big Brother mode. Yeah, there's only a year between them, but a year's a year. And finding out that Rohan's actually Maeve's kid - because maybe Angus hallucinated everything and somehow wasn't Maeve's son? - would absolutely "fix" the problem of lying to Rohan for many years. But he can't give away that he's going to look into it, so again, Angus keeps a straight face. This time, it's out of determination.

 

By sheer luck, Angus is the one who gets to escort Maeve to her exile. He gets to ask her if she was telling the truth. Maeve - who has lost a son but has no idea it's Angus - tries playing evil and coy, until he snaps and demands to see the mark on her arm.

It's not there.

It was a fake.

She seems rather smug about this, and happy to know that as a parting shot, she'll get to have Rohan's best friend deliver the cruel news. After all, as much as Rohan might be relieved to hear they aren't related, he'll be devasted being an orphan again, won't? Or, she says, Angus can lie to him. Keep that secret 'til the day he dies and hope the truth is never revealed. Wouldn't that be a fun night for them?

Angus leaves, and Maeve keeps herself very warm with that cheery thought.

 

She's right, though. Even if Angus wasn't Maeve's son, he's now carrying the full knowledge Rohan isn't either. And he thinks if he can focus on that problem, the other one - the bigger one - won't matter.

Fortunately, this problem's easy to fix: he'll just tell Rohan that Maeve's an evil witch and tricked him. As furious as Rohan will be, it'll be all be pointed at Maeve. And then Angus can help him with getting over it. More than that, because Angus found out by learning the mark on her arm was fake, he'll never need to say how he truly knew. Maybe she struggled and her sleeve tore, and that's how Angus saw. It's his word over hers; no one would ever believe her.

He's all set to tell Rohan about this when he returns to find everyone gathered in the throne room. Winning this war? It's what they've wanted for decades. But they cannot let this hard-earned victory go to waste. As much as it pained Rohan to hear that his mother was Maeve, King Conchobar explains the power this gives to truly bring peace to Ireland. Being Maeve's son means being heir to throne of the Temra. Prince Rohan, soon to be King Rohan, could broker that peace for the hundred lifetimes Draganta was prophesized to bring.

There's an almost grim expression on Rohan's face throughout this, but the ending note of it - that this will help fulfill what he's supposed to do - eases some of that concern. The others start rallying around him, reassuring him of the good he'll be able to do, and that they'll only ever see him as their friend, not 'the son of Maeve'.

 

Huh.

Fuck.

Angus has to rethink this.

 

He doesn't give Maeve enough credit for how prescient she is. Maybe Rohan wouldn't lose sleep over not knowing who his mother was again, but if Angus tells him, Rohan would never let himself sit on Temra's throne as a fraud. And then what? Those hundred lifetimes of peace - gone. Rohan's destiny as Draganta would evaporate. And he would lose sleep over all the people he'd swear he failed to save, just from being lied to by Maeve and told the truth by Angus.

Also, who was he kidding? Rohan would lose more than sleep over the mother thing, too.

 

So Angus has to think, and think, and think... for days. It's not enough time for Rohan to nurture more than a thin sheen of self-acceptance (and only to cope with his self-loathing), but far too much for the others to start discussing what Rohan needs to know as a king. There are strategies on how to get Rohan onto the throne and fully recognized as the rightful heir. King Conchobar says he's looking forward to their treaty, and even being willing to resurrect the one Maeve had pretended to make at the beginning.

Surprisingly, Rohan doesn't crack under the pressure. Maybe finding out he was Draganta first was the trial run he needed to make this revelation somewhat bearable. He's quieter, though. And with Angus having to think about... something, Rohan feels guilty at trying to interrupt. It's been years of crying to his friend that he wanted to know who his family was; now that he has his answer, he can't make Angus listen to him cry that he wished his family was someone else. Rohan keeps it to himself, mostly. The others are more than quick to offer reassurance without prompting, which is wonderful, but it tells him how much assurance they think someone 'like him' would need.

'Maeve's son'.

 

Tragedies - which I do so love to plague Rohan and Angus' friendship with - are best enjoyed while knowing how they could've been avoided.

Angus finishes his thinking. Mostly because he's not dumb, and he can see Rohan getting worse. There's been no tipping point yet, but it's inevitable now. And Angus can use that. As much as it's going to hurt Rohan to tell him the truth, and as extra angry as he'll be knowing Angus sat on this for a week, he'll understand how much temptation there was to never tell him at all - what with a peace treaty and coronation on the horizon - and be so relieved Angus didn't sacrifice him to be falsely crowned. Rohan might even thank Angus for it, honestly. And then maybe they could make a plan to have someone else be king - maybe give the crown up to someone Temra and Kells would both trust - or have Angus sneak along as Rohan's advisor, and then they could "be in jail together" as best friends were supposed to be.

It's possible some variation of this could work. Conchobar's a sneaky prick in his own right, and happy to use tricks and illusions where it makes sense. If Maeve would be so cruel as to lie to Rohan about his parentage, then Conchobar will let her reap the rewards of handing them such a powerful claim to her throne. And giving the crown to someone else - someone Maeve couldn't reveal as a fake, and who Temra may still embrace after any reveal was made - has some merit to it too. It's risky, underhanded, would take a lot of sacrifice and luck...

It's exactly the kind of plan Maeve's son would come up with.

But that's not what happens. Angus doesn't get to reveal anything. He fully intends to - after tonight's meal in the throne room, in fact - but...

 

😅

Okay, here's the bullshit part: how this literally happens doesn't matter. You can imagine your own, less cringe version of events. You only need the basics of what I'm going for and you're good, with those basics being:

1. Angus gets definitively revealed as Maeve's son
2. Through that, Rohan knows that Angus has always known
3. More than anything, Angus can't fight back. No spinning it around, no brushing it off, no looking on the bright side. This is a serious, glowing, red fucking line of Rohan's he knows he's crossed, and even if he has the perfect rebuttal or way to frame it in the world, Angus does not use it. Think of everything else I've said: he'll pick a fight, but not if he knows he's cornered, and he's not going to double-down on a lie to Rohan.

It's not about winning an argument. It's about protecting their friendship.

 

OKAY REMEMBER HOW I SAID ANGUS IS GONNA BE A SUPER POWERFUL SORCERER, THAT HAPPENS NOW OKAY ARE YOU READY

 

So they're at dinner. In the throne room. With the king. I have different versions of how this plays out, but this is today's flavour; bear with me.

King Conchobar, the winner of this seemingly endless; his court druid; his daughter, heir to Kells' throne, and one of the five Mystic Knights that secured this victory, all of whom are also sat around this table, have been served their meal. But it's been decided that Rohan will start being tutored in his royal education. So tonight is a night to celebrate - and with a toast to honour the lives lost, the peace attained, and the heroics of all those who fought. And Draganta, of course!

The finest nectar has been poured. And, like, Angus immediately downs his cup ('cause lmao), but then plays dumb about how he totally forgot to wait, oops, I'm just a villager, so he supposes he'll have to be given a refill 😌 The others are a little annoyed at his manners, but they're used to it by now, and Rohan can't help thinking it's funny too.

Angus: :)

Rohan: :)

Everyone else: "Well, at least it cheered Rohan up."

(You've all seen The Invitation? Don't watch it if you haven't, it isn't very good :/ But iykyk)

It's a beautiful speech. Actually, it's perfect. It's heart-warming and sincere, and the King speaks with a frank informality that adds such an emphasis to everything he says. This isn't a royal performance for the rest of Kells; it's a family dinner, where everyone's still tired and injured, but happy. They haven't raised their cups yet, because Conchobar was going to say a few words before they did the toast, and they're happy they didn't because of how long they would've been holding it.

There's even a part - an earnest word to Rohan directly - where the King shares the pain of Rohan finding out the truth this way. But it doesn't dwell on Maeve being Rohan's mother. Instead, Conchobar wishes he'd been a better host to this young man, and showed him every hospitality a prince deserved. He apologizes for not seeing what Cathbad and certainly Angus saw years before anybody else, and hopes that Rohan understands he's welcome here as their friend, brother, and son, not simply as their ally.

He asks if Rohan would like to toast first, as a way for one king to recognize another.

And... Rohan appreciates that (there shouldn't be any dry eyes among them), but he's still Rohan, and speaking publicly is...

Garrett's more than happy to cut in. With permission of course.

Of course.

Rohan grants it, and Garrett - much to everyone's relief - stays humble in thanking him for his patience. It's an apology too, because that patience was for Garrett's antics, and being able to welcome him as a friend after how he'd been treated. It says a lot for the kind of ruler Rohan will be, and how Temra might be given the chance to welcome Kells as a friend as well.

Ivar agrees, continuing the toast with his cup still raised. Rohan's mercy is something he hopes inspires Temra too. After all, when they first met, Rohan had every reason to treat Ivar as an enemy. But whether Rohan saw reason or was simply that kind, he chose to work together, and eventually save Ivar's life. Although officially, the debt is repaid, Ivar will forever be ready to help peace flourish across this island.

They've committed to this, passing their focus to Angus. Sadly, Angus gives a tight-lipped smile and a brief shake of his head, then looks away a bit. But everyone understands. Ivar just implied his time in Ireland would soon be at an end. It seems like a shame to let the toast end there.

Deirdre continues it instead. When she stands, her smile's bright, but almost as if she's making an effort. She wants to toast to Rohan's ability to unite them. There are so many lands represented at this one table, and none of them would have met if not for Rohan. He may not be one for speeches (she can't help herself 😝), but he doesn't need to speak to change the fate of everyone around him. And knowing the prince of Temra has been so close all along, and as a treasured friend, gives her great hope to learn how close their kingdoms will be.

Garrett doesn't even fuss at this. He smiles to himself, resigned to accept some unknowable truth.

Cathbad is about to speak, when they all hear Angus give a loud exhale from his nose. Alright, fair enough, which releases the weight gathering in the room. There's a soft chuckle shared among them, and Cathbad speaks to clarify his intentions.

"Four parts to a toast may be all we're willing to bear on empty stomachs."

Four parts. Excluding Conchobar. Which means - Rohan sees Deirdre smiling and hears Angus exhaling again - that it's his own turn to talk at last.

"You can't escape that easily," Deirdre says.

But her smile is effortless.

There's truth to that. They won't torture him, Rohan's sure, but they're all going to wait and stare and grin until he raises the cup and talks. He supposes it'll mean something to let it end at his command. Royals tended to love symbols like that.

His cup's been 'hovering' more than it's been 'raised' - which was still better than Angus, whose cup was on entirely the table - but he's willing to lift it up again. He was trying not to bring too much of a focus on his hand. What everyone was saying... To have it about him, and not just Draganta, had made his grip feel weak. But he supposes too that that's what everyone has felt.

Rohan goes to lift it.

Angus, beside him, pulls it down.

The others did disapprove of that one, but Rohan's instincts took over them. He didn't focus on their share of the table or the scolding sounds they made.

Instead, it was something in how Angus put his hand over the cup. It felt...

Imprecise.

In a way that Rohan was about to dissect, and a way that was subtly graceless for a pickpocket - former or not.

"Don't drink it."

Angus was a lot of things, but not clumsy. Not with his hands.

So Rohan expected to find the reason waiting on his friend's face. It was why he'd turned to his head to look over. It was why Rohan was looking at Angus now.

And Angus, looking back, arm still stretched to cover Rohan's cup, blood leaking through the fingers on his other hand -

And Rohan's. Because Rohan found his own hands suddenly covering Angus' mouth, as if to help - somehow - with keeping the blood inside, forgetting it wasn't where blood was supposed to be and wouldn't help with what dripped or rained from Angus' eyes -

All things considered, Rohan is calm. He can hear sounds of something in the room, and feel movement - wind - gently brush against him. The cup tips, so the nectar must have spilled, but he's looking at blood and now the sounds have gotten much faster and violent and red -

And then he steps back. He's in his mind. Angus is still at his side, but only for a moment more.

He doesn't feel when Ivar pulls his friend away. He watches Garrett help to turn his friend around. They prop him against the table, shirt stained - Angus should have worn his red shirt - and sat on the ground as Cathbad comes into view. It's like swimming. Cathbad's robes seem to flow and hang longer in the air than they're supposed to.

He should help, probably. He feels like he's leaning forward, but that's the closest he'll get.

And when his sight comes back to him at its proper pace, Angus is gone.

Not gone. Simply out of the room. He'd been watching but he didn't see it.

Somehow, though, he knew. From habit. Where they would go. They would've taken Angus to Cathbad's chamber. Rohan should've helped.

When the sound came back, and Rohan could move his head, he looks down at Deirdre wiping his hands. Which was kind of her, given the blood.

She was talking. Not to him, of course. She was talking to someone else in the room but focused on wiping Rohan's hands. So the sound hadn't entirely come back yet.

When it did.

Angus was gone.

And Rohan knew they meant it in the other way.

I remember in the 2010s, I wrote my one and only Mystic Knights fanfic and put it on Fanfiction.net. I had this super big concept where I was gonna write a four-story series, each titled after what you get by combining one of the other elements with earth. So the first one (the posted one) was called "Molten," and the next one was gonna be something to do with earth and forest, and the one with Deirdre would be Dust, and the one with Ivar would be Mirage. It was gonna be about how Angus died and the others were struggling to cope with his death, especially as Fin Varra had redistributed the element of earth for each of them to separately claim to forge a new type of armour and weapons, and then they'd each be that kind of knight: the Molten Knight, the Mirage Knight, the Dust Knight, the whatever-Garrett-was (I wasn't a fan of Garrett 😝)... and they'd have to use all this to battle this undead army that had been summoned and was starting to ravage Ireland, only to discover the undead king of this army was Angus brought back as a lich king (guess what expansion World of Warcraft was on lmao), and now they had to fight him...

WAY too ambitious. I wrote like two chapters, if that. But I remember ending with this dramatic scene of Angus getting trapped in some cave, because bars had suddenly shot out to trap Rohan in there and Angus had pushed him out of the way, and Rohan was trying to get Angus back all water started flooding in, and all while Rohan had been the one to go into this stupid cave in the first place, and Angus just tells him to go because he'll be fine, so Rohan leaves because he wants to believe Angus has some way to escape, and he would never have left if he thought that'd be the last time he saw Angus alive...

... and then I stopped writing it LMAOOOOOO

I guess I scratched my itch for angst and was like, "Okay I'm good 👍🏽" So I'm pretty sure those two chapters are still up there, and if anyone - for whatever reason - was actually interested in what I was doing and read it expecting me to continue, uhhhhh...

Sorry I wrote a two-chapter fic to murder my favourite character so his best friend could theoretically angst about it later, and then never did 😅

ANYWAY. I'm sure that's not relevant to what's happening now uwu

 

Cool - so Angus is dead. (That's twice I've done that. I have never killed off any other character in this show in any of my other ideas. Sorry, buddy. :( them's the breaks of being my special widdle guy.)

Rohan's disassociating at the table. Deirdre's panic-wiping the blood off his hands. She's actually talking to Conchobar right now, who's realized their nectar was poisoned and is losing his ever-living shit. Cathbad, Ivar, Garrett, and - technically - Angus were in Cathbad's chamber. And I think to break the news, it'd be Ivar or Garrett. It'd depend on frantic things were in there. It's going one of two ways:

1. It's not looking good. Angus is hemorrhaging blood and it's violent enough to catch Cathbad entirely off-guard. He's not sure what to do first, but part of him knows he can't do anything. So he's struggling to decide if he should call Rohan in to be with his best friend, or spare him the gruesome sight. In his indecision, Ivar and Garrett are yelling for Cathbad to do something, anything, because they can't stop the blood that Angus is choking on. Cathbad finally tells one of them to fetch Rohan, and Ivar (only because I think he's closer to both of them than Garrett is, who hasn't been in the show nearly as long) sprints out to those wooden steps leading to the throne room. Ivar calls out, right as Cathbad calls out to him again. It's a tired, "Ivar, stop! Stop." Which is all Ivar needs to know. But with the adrenaline still in him, all he can manage is a brisk shake of his head - only enough to signal that whatever he was going say, he can't say it now. And that's enough for Deirdre and Conchobar (and Rohan, absently) to understand.
2. I hate to say it, but if Angus dies even faster, it'll be Garrett sent to deliver the news. He's still working to prove himself to the others, and it wouldn't be right to have Cathbad or Ivar leave Angus' side. So he'd go, and sombrely give his regrets.

 

👀

Put a pin in that.

 

Yeah, forget that for now - forget the looks that'd be on Deirdre's and Conchobar's faces: the shock, the horror at having let their guard down, the violation of what was supposed to be a celebration of peace, and especially the pain in Deirdre losing somebody she's been so close to. And forget the far-away expression on Rohan's face, who still sits with the smear of his best friend's blood over his hands, struggling to blink, let alone understand the words he's just been told.

(fuk u rohan, you're gonna angst for me yet 👀 you can't escape that easily)

 

I told you to imagine a less cringe version of events. But obviously, what I wrote - on my phone, no less! - was bad-fuckin'-ass. Damn, I should get back into writing fanfiction. Oh well. We have this.

 

So where's the cringe, Tartra? I promised you cringe; there's no cringe!

👀 Well.

 

You guys know Dungeons & Dragons?

👁️👁️

 

Let's say another minute has passed.

 

Cathbad:

Note to self: copy each individual post onto my website so I get the couple fixes to typos I made (Note from me while posting this to this site: I did! :D And there are still a lot of typos.)

 

Cathbad finishes his research. Or to put it another way, he confirms his suspicions. He'd given the others two possibilities as a test, to gauge their reactions to his leading theory. Unfortunately, they responded as he had feared: confusion, shock, concern... And that was before the truth beneath the surface was revealed.

 

(For you D&D nerds, just to reiterate, I'm not following the exact rules of the sorcerer class. I'm borrowing it for inspiration. Yeah, you'd have death saving throws before you die, and you can't use Strength of the Grave after death saving throws. The recommended origins are more like, "Maybe you inherited the power from an ancestor from another plane," not immediately inheriting it from your parents. You're also not really gonna be able to 'carbon date' the type of sorcerer either, like I'm gonna have Cathbad do soon 😵‍💫 Maybe you could with the Wild Magic type, because of the magic surges make it obvious, but I didn't want Angus' luscious hair falling out even if it would grow back the next day, and the magic surges raise too many questions for me on how he'd been hiding this. Also I couldn't resist when I read about the Hound of Ill Omen. :P

(In my mind, Angus can't actually do magic until he hits 21. He has sparks of magic that let him activate lodestones with incantations, potions with the right powders, and other things that only need that final spark to come to life. So that balances his "I can do better magic than Cathbad" claims - he's probably come across something laid out by somebody else and set it off with that spark. But this is the first time his own magic has actually shaped his reality.

(Also the level = age thing - don't even worry about that, it's another idea I'm gonna play with for inspiration. Let's just say level 1 starts at 21, and then you can study or gain XP or not. You don't move forward automatically. And Maeve skipped some levels with the runestone she got from Midar.)

(ok bye i love you)

 

Sorcery is uncommon in Ireland. Though it certainly exists, as both Maeve and Nemaine have proved, it's such a rare circumstance that it's - for lack of a better word - easy to trace. Maeve's sorcery came from her family line, and Nemaine's... well, Nemaine's had a rather unique mark.

But sorcery is the magic Cathbad's been led to. Angus isn't so divine that the gods would freely bless him with life again, nor so corrupted that a demon would insist he remain among mortals. Neither would Angus make a pact for power; there were too many temptations that the young man had overcome, and it wouldn't suit his personality at any rate. This was Cathbad's highest praise, but it was admittedly undercut by realizing Angus would never have kept quiet if that had happened. And that if Angus had made a pact, it would have been for wealth. And that most pacts required dedication Angus simply didn't possess.

There were no charms or trinkets that had been used or left around the castle. Nothing had been out of place nor recently used. Such effects required an intent and focus anyway, and Angus had long been past that focus at the time. It was also too soon after Rohan's own grievous injuries. Cathbad knew - as praise that could not be undercut - if Angus had any means of sparing his friend, that would have been when it was used. At its worst, Cathbad could have transferred Rohan's injuries, and Angus' fate with this poison would have played out then instead.

 

Treachery was the third option Cathbad had mentioned pursuing. But he'd left it to the end given its outright absurdity. There were no spirits possessing Angus, as was proven throughout the week. Conversation alone would not suffice, but there was more than conversation that Angus endured. He was himself.

Importantly, Angus was furious. He never asked who poisoned him or why, only what he'd been poisoned with. And from there, he only asked why that poison in particular was chosen. Cathbad explained it was slow enough to kill them in their sleep. The slow sips they would take would start to have them feeling weak, but by then, they would have finished their meal and dispersed. No one would have known which part of their dinner was tainted. Of course, Angus ruined this by gulping his cup in one go, flooding his body with all of the poison at once. This had been a royal poison, meant to prey on royal sensibilities, and Angus had none of those.

Ordinarily, Angus would have been amused or proud. Instead, he sank farther into the bed, staring up, enraged. It couldn't have been more obvious that he hadn't known of this plot. If, for some reason, Angus wanted to betray them - now, after everything - this would never have been the approach he agreed to take. He wouldn't've poisoned Rohan's cup, for one. Nor would he be so poetic as to kill with table manners. And he certainly would not have... well, Cathbad struggled to imagine a benefit, but Angus wouldn't target himself in such a violent way. The blood, not the pain, was the problem. If Angus had quietly passed in his sleep, it would have had the effect it needed. But to explode into a gushing river of blood and phlegm in front of everyone, and especially Rohan...

So there was no treachery. Where there were doubts for other things, Cathbad had none whatsoever with this.

 

That was important. Because when he explained his theory to the King, Cathbad had to make this lack of treachery clear before anything else.

 

What Rohan had told him of Maeve's beasts aligned with the magic Cathbad saw here. It was one the Temran royal family had passed along for generations. It was why they were linked to Nemaine: she'd been sought out to further their mastery, the same as Maeve seeking an arrangement with Midar.

"Then Rohan would have this power as well," Conchobar deduced with the facts he had. "He saved Angus' life."

"One might expect that to be true," Cathbad begins, "but Rohan has been my apprentice since he was a boy. Though his destiny is shaped by magic, he has no magic of his own. I can attest to this."

"Hmm." The King is puzzled, and Cathbad allows this. It's important to reach the conclusion at his own pace. "Then you're saying Maeve's magic was here, but not in relation to Rohan." There was a thoughtful pause. "Ah. Angus escorted Maeve to her banishment. Perhaps she placed a curse on him during that."

"He carried no curse when he returned," Cathbad says. "I feared as much myself, and checked him thoroughly."

"And Maeve has no reason to offer him protection," Conchobar continues. "If she wanted him to suffer, she wouldn't let him recover again, would she?"

"No," Cathbad confirms.

"Then I'm at a loss," Conchobar says. "Rohan doesn't have Maeve's magic, Maeve didn't attach her magic to Angus, yet Angus' life appears to have been saved by her."

"By her magic," Cathbad corrects. "Something her son would carry."

"Yes, through the family line," Conchobar repeats. "But you said Rohan didn't have..." Kells had a clever King. Cathbad had always thought so. Even now, Conchobar didn't leap to the answer that had been laid bare. His words were instead, "Cathbad, why not finish what you were saying? Before I interrupted."

"It would seem," Cathbad promptly resumed, "that if Maeve's son would have her magic, yet Rohan does not have any magic, Rohan may not be Maeve's son after all."

"It might have skipped a generation," Conchobar says, with irritation at himself for his denial of the facts so far.

Cathbad is happy to oblige in dispelling that denial for him.

"Perhaps," he replies. "But then it would not have been present at all. And from everything I have studied, and tested, and read, and asked, and discovered, Maeve's magic is the reason that Angus is alive."

"Both orphans," Conchobar mumbles. "That's what you said, isn't it? Rohan and Angus - both were orphans?"

"I went to Rohan shortly before I came to you," Cathbad says. "As he tells it, Rohan was an orphan. He never knew his parents. Angus..." He didn't mean to pause, as if it was for a dramatic effect. But he had to put his words in their proper order. "Angus was a runaway, of sorts."

"'Of sorts'?"

"Rohan says Angus never gave him details," Cathbad explains. "Only that Angus had known his family, and couldn't go back to them."

"Dead? Imprisoned?" Cathbad had no answer to give the King. "But he knew them. He would know them." More thinking. "Would she know?"

Maeve.

"Rohan and Angus met while they were young," Cathbad says. "They've changed considerably as they've grown."

"Yes." Conchobar sits with this point for some time. "We've had no reason to suspect either one was related to her. And she's had many opportunities to use this against us." He abruptly turns back to Cathbad. "I see now why you made such an effort to clear Angus' name."

"He is, admittedly, more loyal to Rohan than to the crown," Cathbad says, "but Rohan is loyal to you, and Angus led many assaults against the Temrans. And he saved your life."

"He saved Rohan's life," Conchobar mutters, reluctantly proving Cathbad's point. "All the same, I agree. He saved my life. He saved my daughter's. Yours, Ivar's, Garrett's..."

"And apparently his own."

"Hmm." Conchobar is working towards a decision. "I'm satisfied with his allegiance, and his lack thereof to Maeve. I'll agree that Maeve didn't know, and was either confused or purposely lying when she spoke with Rohan. But where I still have doubts is in his silence. We've been planning for Rohan to assume Temra's throne, and Angus hasn't protested. I want to know if that's his intent or his ignorance. If he knew his family, and he's loyal to Rohan, then why does Rohan think he's Maeve's son instead?"

"Are you suggesting Angus doesn't truly remember who his family is?"

Cathbad says this with the same irritation at himself as Conchobar had had for his own denial earlier.

"No," Conchobar says, similarly happy to dispell that denial. "No, I think it's worse. I think Angus knew. And I believe he held his tongue." As Cathbad feared. "Still, we've no confirmation of that yet. Then again..." Conchobar takes his time with this one. "Angus isn't shy with his opinions, or quiet where Rohan is concerned. Yet I don't remember his reaction when Rohan revealed himself as Maeve's son."

"He may have been surprised," Cathbad posits.

"Suprised, certainly," Conchobar says. "Of any of us, if what you've discovered is true, Angus would have the least reason to suspect Rohan saying that. But weeks have passed since then, and nothing has changed. Either we're wrong, or Angus is allowing this, or..." The King's face was grim. "... or he's allowing it for now."

This was an alarming accusation. Though he did his best to maintain his composure, Cathbad's voice wavered with horror as he spoke.

"My King, as I said -"

"It's not as you said," Conchobar cuts in. "Angus is loyal to Rohan. On that, we agree. No one concerns himself with Rohan's care more than Angus, and that is what I fear. If it's better to let Rohan believe what he believes, Angus will do it - and is, most likely. But should that change, and Angus thinks it's better to tell the truth..."

"He can be ill-tempered, but he'd tell the truth more gently to Rohan than any of us could manage," Cathbad says.

"That's not my concern," Conchobar counters. "For Angus to let Rohan live in this... lie, it means there's more harm to be had in telling Rohan the truth. That is my concern. If Angus changes his mind, it means inciting whatever reaction he fears Rohan will have. Even if he's correct that doing so would avoid even greater harm, this harm is trouble enough that Angus is hiding the truth at all."

"And you suspect Angus may change his mind soon," Cathbad infers.

"We've been planning for Rohan to assume Temra's throne," Conchobar says again, more pointedly. "I've noticed... Rohan seems unhappy. The weight of it, perhaps. It's understandable."

"But if Rohan's unhappy, so is Angus," Cathbad concludes.

"So," Conchobar decides, "Angus is still a problem."

"Angus is also weak." Cathbad can't let them overlook that. "Whatever we do, we'll need his help, but we'll require his honest answer. Now, while he's at our mercy, is not likely to earn that."

The King agrees.

"From his perspective, it'd be accusing him of treason. The only one who might get an honest answer is Rohan, and for that, we would have to tell Rohan what we suspect." Conchobar frowns. "I'm beginning to agree with Angus. That can't be a good sign."

"We'll manage," Cathbad assures him. "Perhaps if we share strategic details, we'll be able to progress towards a solution."

"We'll need to have a solution worth progressing towards." The new frown signalled a somehow deeper appreciation of Angus' wisdom. "If Angus doesn't want the throne, his silence has handled that for him. But it would mean a false heir to Temra. Telling Rohan he's a false heir ensures he steps down, and puts Angus back in line for it." The implications of that seemingly spoke for themselves. "So we have to choose."

Cathbad feels tired. Conchobar looks tired. Angus had said he was tired, too.

"Well," the druid suggests at last, "if he is the heir, he can make one decision on who should rule."

Conchobar nods.

"So," the King says, "we're back to waiting for him to recover."

Somehow, such certainty felt misplaced.

I don't understand why Conchobar never blocked that random window in Cathbad's room so it doesn't look into the throne room.

But as someone who's been an advisor, I guess it's the medieval-fantasy equivalent of CC'ing Cathbad on an email. 😝

 

So let's get to the point, 'cause there are so many ways Conchobar, Cathbad and Angus could come up with some master strategy if they had the time. But that's boring, and it would take too long to write, and I'm already shocked I'm at this many parts of the idea.

 

Cathbad, as part of his strategy, spoke to Conchobar fairly late in the night. When he returns to his room, he hears Rohan calling out to him, and has a moment of panic that Rohan heard everything. But after stepping inside his chamber and seeing Rohan half-asleep ('cause presumably, what happened - the death - was enough for him to insist on staying with Angus), Cathbad gets to breathe a sigh of relief. His footsteps must have woken Rohan up. That's all.

 

👀

I maintain my opinion that regardless of who Rohan's parents might be, he is actually Angus' friend. And Angus is a sneaky sneak.

 

Of course he heard everything. Of course he did. Keeping an eye on Angus from here let him keep another on the throne room. When he heard a noise, he got up to see who it was, just in case.

He meant to go back to sitting beside Angus, or even going to sleep himself. He'd laid his mat on the floor beside the bed for that very purpose. But Cathbad's voice made a few words that couldn't help catch his attention. So he stayed, only intending to hear what the druid thought happened to his friend. Then it kept going. So he still stayed, and as the conversation wound down, he knew he couldn't leave or it'd be suspicious. And he couldn't talk to Cathbad about this; he barely understood what they were getting at yet.

It meant he had one option, and it was Angus' favourite: playing dumb.

Pretending to be asleep rarely worked for him, but pretending he'd been woken up? Fine. And Cathbad noticed nothing strange about it. Off he went to bed, leaving Rohan alone with his thoughts, racing faster than they'd ever have.

Inside, he felt like kindling. He knew the anger would set in eventually, but the spark hadn't been lit, and he couldn't settle enough to decide if it should be. Cathbad and Conchobar were going to wait until Angus had recovered to start asking questions. Rohan only needed to wait until Angus had woken up.

 

He was still silently stiff-lipped in the morning, and when Cathbad left to gather herbs. Thankfully, things seemed routine enough for Cathbad to assume the rest of the day would be quiet. So far it was. Rohan couldn't speak, and Angus' eyes were closed.

Eventually, that would change.

 

Rohan waited for breakfast to end. They ate in Cathbad's chamber, since going anywhere was too much for Angus to manage yet. The poison had taken its toll, but death itself played a part in how long the pain was lasting. Angus couldn't sit or stand on hard surfaces without his joints beginning to burn, so propping him up in bed to eat was the best they could manage.

After breakfast was another story. Angus' lungs had healed, but his exhaustion - from death again - came and went like the tide. He was awake for now, but drowsy. Rohan should have let him rest, chatting softly until Angus slept.

 

"Do you think Maeve is my mother?"

 

Rohan wouldn't say sleep made Angus more honest, but it made him slower at least. Whatever he was thinking would take longer to pass over his face, and Rohan was watching to see their shadows.

Surprise. But mild. Muted. Angus had expected him to ask, which surprised Rohan. It also concerned him. This was followed by a flash of a wince, before it settled into begrudging determination. So Angus may have planning to bring this up himself, and Rohan had beaten him to it. Another surprise, and another concern.

"Help me up," Angus said, already exhaling from the effort. No complaints about not waiting. Rohan's suspicions grew. But he did as he was asked, and helped to prop Angus up again. Then he waited as Angus stared blankly ahead, plainly weighing his options to respond. "No."

That simple. That direct. Like Angus was admitting he knew that Rohan had more to say, and wasn't going to stop it from being said.

Rohan hated to disappoint, so he continued.

"Conchobar and Cathbad don't think so either."

That was surprise. Truly. Shock and concern, and oddly enough, offence. As if Angus was allowed to think otherwise, but nobody else should have a reason. But those faded away and into something more muted again.

"What'd you hear?"

A lot more than Angus would've probably bargained for. But all Rohan said was, "I don't have her magic."

Confusion. Whatever Angus was expecting, it wasn't that. And it didn't fade away, so clearly, they gone well past whatever Angus had planned. Rohan saw the gears in his mind harshly slotted into new places, trying to twist through the rust of death and fatigue.

"You," Angus started, "... never had heard her magic."

As a counter to Conchobar's and Cathbad's reasoning.

The kindling in him still hadn't been lit. Angus was expertly missing the cinders, stepping around them, but there had to only be so long he could do that.

"You said 'no' straight away," Rohan remarked. His voice was level. Not for anything to hide, because he didn't know how he was going to react, but to keep his words calm enough Angus to take them in. "What was your reason then?"

"She told me." Not a spark. It was certainly a jolt through Rohan's body, though. Angus' voice was level too, and that was to hide something. He was speaking the way he did when he thought Rohan was going to explode, but without an intent to stop it. So Angus didn't think he'd done anything; Rohan's anger was going to come, and Angus was assuming it'd pointed towards someone else. "I didn't see the mark."

"What mark?"

"Your own. On her arm. The one you talked about it." Angus nodded to the sign of Draganta under Rohan's sleeve. "She tried to run, I caught her, her sleeve tore, and I didn't see a mark." Instead of a shrug, which Angus couldn't manage without pain, he gave a wince of sympathy. "I asked her where it was. She didn't know what I meant at first. Then she said she only had it to tell you that you were her son. And, apparently, I was going to be the one to take your family away or take that truth to my grave."

Angus was sluggish in recounting what had happened, but it wasn't from inventing new facts. Not entirely, at least. Some part of it sounded...

 

"I want your word."

 

The immediate sigh that unfolded from Angus then was all the proof Rohan needed. Some part of this wasn't true.

"Most of it happened," Angus said, like his word was something to negotiate. "I asked her. She said it wasn't real. The mark was a trick. She's not your mother."

"You said she ran and her sleeve tore," Rohan pressed.

"I mean..."

Then nothing. Angus had trailed off from his answer instantly.

Why lie about that? Rohan let Angus sit in his guilty silence while coming to some sort of explanation. If Angus had told him before Rohan overheard last night's conversation, would Rohan have even thought to question this detail?

Probably not.

But Angus had - overnight - gone from someone with all the facts to now just half of them.

Ivar was better at putting these clues together, but Rohan had experience with Angus directly. For him to lie about Maeve running and tearing her sleeve, it meant something entirely different had prompted Angus to ask about her mark. And... if Angus had known it was a lie from the beginning...

... he wouldn't have need Maeve to run. Or for her sleeve to tear. He would've known regardless.

And that was the lie.

 

"She ran," Rohan echoed back to him. Angus avoided his eyes, but Rohan kept them locked to his target. "Her sleeve tore. You saw her mark was missing. You asked why it was gone. That's exactly what happened."

"What do you want me to say? That I attacked her?" To his credit, Angus never took Rohan for a fool. "It doesn't matter how it happened. I'm telling you what she said."

Angus knew the truth from the start, and had cornered Maeve with that insurmountably. Rohan wondered if Angus felt the same now, and if he felt the irony. This line would've worked if Rohan didn't already know the truth.

"Do you have anything more to add?"

"Like what?" Panic, covered over as exasperation. "If you've got something to say, you say it."

Angus didn't want to overplay his hand. After all, he'd guessed wrong about Conchobar and Cathbad. This was his desperate move to force their field to level: playing dumb.

Alright.

If that was what his friend wanted.

 

Rohan obliged by asking at last, "Do you remember your mother?"

There.

The field was level.

The stage was also set.

 

Angus had a choice in what he said out loud, but the expressions on his face had already answered: sickness, failure, a deep regret, and an acceptance of what Rohan meant. His hand was by a flame, and his next word would decide if he tipped it over. And Rohan waited, long - comically long - after the window had passed to deny this.

His eyes never left Angus' face.

Hurt. Grief. Acceptance again. Resolve. Fear. Grief. Panic. Resolve. Strategy. Bargaining. Failure. Grief. Surrender. Pain. Effort. Resolve. Fear.

Exhaustion.

Exhaustion.

Exhaustion.

Rohan was gone the moment Angus opened his mouth.

But not 'gone,' as in 'he left the room,' of course.

The flame had been knocked over, and there'd been nowhere else to land after all.

Rohan was invited to 'say it' if he'd had 'something to say'. So he kindly, voraciously, took Angus up on that generous offer to speak.