This is - sincerely - a beautiful display of fandom history and passion.

And I need to emphasize that I'm speaking sincerely. The commentary below's my usual in-the-moment, live-blogging snark, but this is me coming back the next day after reflecting on everything.

I love what happens. Including the awkward, stinging, made-under-lots-of-stress actions, which - oh boy. That tapped into a genuine part of me, and on a deeply human level. I can feel the excitement about putting this convention together: the fresh energy, the optimism, the itinerary, the costumes, the votes, and the all-hands-on-deck atmosphere of fans rallying together. I can feel the win in being able to say two of the actors were confirmed so soon into the process, and the thrill of "This is really happening!" that brought into the mix. The professionalism I talk about for the first newsletter? That's honest. I had a bit in there that I took out where I joked about being jealous of them having such competent coworkers, because they really did an excellent job of putting so much of this together.

And I can feel the pain of that slipping away, as the true challenges involved with organizing this overtake everyone's limited experience. Imagine how it must've felt to be some of these people - especially Lissia, but Mearain too.

For Lissia (btw: pronounced "Liss-uh," not "Liss-ee-uh"), she's leading something that's got money on the line, schedules involved, agents and venues to contact, but the confidence gained from successfully working with them, plus the MAGNIFICENT high of being able to talk to the actors of the show you're putting this convention on for, puts her in the most understandable, uncomfortable place she could be when things start going wrong. 'Cause you've been the boss while everything was going right, and you had all the answers then, right? Now that you're in choppier waters, everyone's still looking to you to lead, and... it is lonely at the top. Even with the emotional support you're getting, everyone's too locked up or overwhelmed to take initiative, or they can't see the full picture, so their well-meaning suggestions end up being frustrating band-aids that don't tackle the real problem (‘cause if they did, you would’ve done it yourself). But you can't say that, because they're volunteers and your friends, not employees. They're free, you're 'trapped,' and you can’t ask for more than what they’ve given you ‘cause you’ll lose them completely. It'll be another sign of your failure, even if they aren't doing that much to actually help. So it's on you to move this forward by yourself, even though you're just as locked up and overwhelmed as they are. If you don't, your event dies - and again, money, schedules, agents, venues, fans, the actors, that's all on the line, so you're convinced you're in too deep to stop or adjust anything.

And that's even without the greater context. Mearain mentioned health issues on another one of her pages (I'd feel a bit awkward directly linking it here as proof), so she's in the uncomfortable spot of being the Vice President, thinking she's got a handle on what'll be involved from her side, and then getting more and more trapped by the reality of what's happening and her own physical health. I'm blessed to not have a chronic condition (yet; being able-bodied is always a matter of time), but I know folks with similar conditions. There's such a stigma of 'faking' it and being 'a burden' that you overcompensate by pushing yourself way too hard. So Mearain stepping down? Oh, she more than definitely did that way later than she should've. But - again, she wants this event to happen, maybe it just needs a few quick course corrections, just stick it out until you're all through it, aaaaaand... you're not through it. And now your body is forcing you to stop, or you just know that whatever's happening isn't something you can help with any capacity anyway. So you step down, which means letting your friend down, because you two were close enough for her to make you the VP. I've been the VP for my best friend's massive club in the past; I know what it's like when you start feeling like you aren't measuring up to what a "good" VP is!

But with stepping down comes the timing: everything’s becoming a mess, the stress is mounting, you’re feeling increasingly on your own to fix the problems (because who’re you gonna vent to? The fans? The actors? No goddamn way), and then your VP steps down because it’s too much for her? Obviously, you understand, but there’s the self-inflicted reminder that everyone else can come and go, while you’re stuck here. You’re not being honest about the work you’ve discovered is involved, because you think it’s too much to put onto other volunteers, and talking about it seems ‘unprofessional’ – and honestly, you kinda the glory of being able to fix this. But when the problem festers, you’re not thinking about the glory anymore; you just don’t want the backlash and humiliation of everyone saying you couldn’t do it. And also, you want this event to happen, because you're a fan and this is an experience for fans.

I’ve been there. It was low-stakes – just a high-schooler organizing a trip for my high-school – but I felt like such a fuckin’ champ for having this in to an event through my Contacts™ outside of school. Then the logistics of organizing a whole trip caught up to me, then my contact (who omg I had such a teenage crush on too) started to get a tiny bit frustrated, and it ended with me ghosting the whole thing and never talking to that guy again out of embarrassment. If that had happened to me with – like, idk, professionals involved with the production of a show I was in love with, I would also nuke the fuckin’ site. I’m heartbroken it was nuked, from a time capsule-y perspective, but I get it. That explains why it’s been so hard finding any info about this webring, and I am sincerely saying, “Yeah, that makes sense. Full acquittal – that was a murder in self-defence.”

Tbf, neither me nor Lissia should've been left to our own devices to handle this stuff. Where the hell were my teachers, letting a highschooler put this together, and where the hell was everyone else in the industry, asking questions about logistics to maybe prompt some further planning? But I know I put up a front saying I had everything handled and told other people not to stress, so I'm more just - like... relieved that someone else did that too? It's human nature, basically. It just sucks that human nature also means getting to a place of such frustration at yourself that you have to walk away from everything, and because you're mortified, you never end up interacting with the topic again. I'm speaking from experience, but also speaking from the fact that so many fanfics were written (and fanart drawn, apparently) but were lost as part of this sad purge. It's like finding the ruins of a beautiful city, just to learn they disappeared from a plague we only now have the technology to cure.

In the end, Cathabad's Chamber only lived for about a year. What a year, but I'm sorry to see it die so young.

But then on the other side...

Holy SHIT, these people were so fucking lucky 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Like I'm sorry the convention didn't happen or whatever, but Lissia got to talk to Lochlann O'Mearain and a bunch of other actors from the show repeatedly. Yeah, sure, it's lonely at the top, but FUCK YOU I'M AT THE TOP BBYYYYY, PRESIDENTIAL PRIVILEGES!

I am so proud and jealous. As I say in my commentary down there, Lissia wrote nearly half a million words for a Rohan/OC series, then got to talk to the guy who plays Rohan. As someone who's - uh... doin' all this with the site, and on Tumblr, and on the subreddit, I can absolutely 100% imagine how glorious that would've been (even though you would've been forced to keep it focused on stuff about the convention, since you're supposed to be chatting in a professional capacity uwu).

So dear Lissia, I am so sorry you had to go through everything you did, but I hope enough time's passed for you to agree that you were BY FAR the biggest winner in this. I don't even know how you had the stomach to talk to him; I could've talked to Lochlann O'Mearain, but I would've thrown up if Vincent Walsh was ever involved. I read the half-page interview with him and was like, "This is taking me ten minutes. This is embarassing," so good God, you get the Fandom Purple Heart of Bravery. What an ultimate success of any fan club President: to get exclusive stuff for your fans, but to get to use that status (inadvertently, of course) as a ticket to a front-row experience for your own dream encounter? Nobody else got that, 'cause the convention didn't happen. SUCKS FOR THEM - PRESIDENTAL PRIVILEEEEEEEEEGES!! I hope you can hear me giving you a chef's kiss twenty-five years later. And I wish that'd been your real plan the entire time. Obviously I know it wasn't, but that would've been an Ocean's 11 type of heist you could've looked upon with glowing fondness over the years. But that's okay; I'll look back on it fondly for you uwu

Damn. All this, and they didn't even have Twitter yet.

Hey - so I've got a question. As someone who's had to organize a lot of meetings with very busy people within their very busy schedules - uhhhhhh... wtf exactly is the problem here?

Not even "you know he's busy so you should wait for a response." Not even talking about that. What I mean is that it's April. And supposedly, you're gonna fly out to Ireland in June to talk to him anyway. Why the rush to make the call right now when the only info people are waiting on are little things like, "Hey, how much space do you need" and "Hey, do you need any equipment?"

Like - worst-case scenario, he tells you in June, and that's not enough time for you to get the equipment for him. Oh well! Try your best, but if it doesn't work, cut the presentation. Sucks, but you've got a whole-ass itinerary planned. Go back to that.

Worse-worst-case scenario, he doesn't show up in June either. Okay, so drop him from the line-up then if you really need to. But even then, I honestly still wouldn't cut him from the line-up yet. Until the event happens, he hasn't missed it, so at any moment before it, he could technically reappear. Unless it was like a week before the convention and all the other actors had officially dropped out - because then, you'd have people paying for tickets to an event where none of the actors were going to show.

Obviously, keep the paying fans updated that you haven't heard from yet, so they can make the call themselves either way. And that's why this is so weird: because the newsletters start with saying they're having trouble getting in touch with Lochlann O'Mearain, but don't Eric O'Cuinn until it's January... even though they've been in touch with him since November...

And then - like... what about everyone else? Technically, even the people who confirmed could have a last-minute emergency and need to bail. People could be late. People could keel over. People could choke on a grape and have to go to the hospital. What were the contingency plans for that?

They don't have to have every single detail planned! But I'm a little... confused... about why there's so much stress about a problem that hasn't actually come to pass yet. If you're paying for his attendance fee, then you can get a refund, sure. What did we use back then? Cheques? Carrier pigeons with rolled-up wad of cash tied to their leg? You can call the bank and stop the payment, if you absolutely need to recycle those funds into a different part of the convention instead.

Maybe I'm just too used to being at work and going like, "Unfortunately, so-and-so isn't able to attend, but we'll follow-up with them after the meeting to get the answers you're looking for." 'Cause my focus is on the venue for all the elements we've locked in. Do we have space for those? Do we have food coming in a specific door at a specific time? Where's the parking? Where are the hotels? What's the transit like? What's our AV situation? Who's running that for us? Who's gonna... change the overhead projector slides - whatever.

Idk. Going by the fanfic archives, Lissia's fav was Rohan, not Lugad. So unless she had a "Half-Brother Half-Time" sketch planned out, I'm surprised she's so upset about this when Lochlann O'Mearain is apparently - like... chit-chattin' on the phone with her. I know I'm projecting, but if that were me and I was chit-chatting on the phone with Vincent Walsh and he'd confirmed he was going to show me around fake-Ancient-Ireland-where-he-definitely-lives? Bye, everybody else. Show up or don't - we got our headline uwu

Naw - I'm sure she was super stressed, especially because this was the first time these folks ever planned this before. I'm just shocked that they got so far in such a complicated planning process, and then thing that took them down was a guy not saying if he'd be making a presentation indoors or outdoors. "Here's your space, it's indoors, adjust to fit it." Done.

Damn.

Oh well. Anyway, I'm sure that's the last of what happens-

What the did she write?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay - first of all, if I'd been in her shoes, I would've just not sent the letter. I'd just get my money back for the attendance fee. But if I had sent the letter, then - sorry everybody, I'm a sneaky little minx - I am sure as shit not admitting to it. "You sent me a letter-" no the fuck I did not, sir. Prove it. Wow, that's a weird letter you got, sure wish I knew who wrote it, rip my guy

'Cause at that point, one of two things are gonna happen.

One: he's gonna go off and tell the "people that are involved with the convention" (I wish she wasn't switching to that distant, academic voice people use when they're trying to sound calm; I have no idea who she's talking about, so I have to assume she means the other actors. But one of the earlier newsletters said the five of them were still in touch, so - oop, I guess Eric O'Cuinn isn't in that circle, eh? Or was he just not being included at all before November or something?). They listen to him, they go, "Hm that's weird," and if he's 'like that' - a guy who'd apparently start sabotaging a convention 'cause he's not in it, even though he hasn't responded to requests about it for months - then they'll go, "Oh, Eric, you silly man, we'll send you a photo or something uwu"

Two: he's gonna tell the other actors, they're gonna see the number of times someone tried to contact him, then they're gonna see the last letter that person wrote, and they're gonna be like, "Did you kill her dog or something?" 'Cause now I have to ask: what were the other letters and emails and voicemails????!!! like? Were they maintaining their professionalism and maturity? Were they spamming him? Were they creepy? Was the whole thing too much and he kinda 100% justifiably noped out?

Look - either way, somebody dodged a bullet. Best-case scenario is that everyone dodged it, and we can just move along to the rest of the convention. We've got an event to put on.

It's been months since September. Obviously. But - like... did they or did they not say in their very first newsletter that Vincent Walsh and Ben Palmer were confirmed?

Which, if we're all being objective, would be the funniest thing to say before you sabotaged something 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I just don't know where that came from - sorry, it was so out of the blue, and I'm still laughing about it right now. That is quite the accusation to make without backing it up.

That was still better than DashCon.